help me!

so finals are tomorrow im freaking out the 1st three should be ok but im worried about the 2nd three. if i dnt pass my a2 final i'l be screwed! but im excited cuz schools almost over. me and chris had a fight to day and he almost got hit by a car but everythings cool he's getting me the full version of dressed to kill! by eddie izzard! im so excited! o with this post i fill my quota! im just random and hyper right now and i have to go to bed so ttyl k?

confusion to the extreme.....

so my weekend has been hell for a number of reasons
1. its been so crazy. friday/satday i hung out with rin and went to B&N then went to a party with christopher till midnight. sunday i was uplate from going to my uncles and writing a ton of my story (which isnt very good) and then monday going to a graduation party and then seeing indianna jones.
2. my parents think im a transsexual....and that im going to get a sex change.. crazy but true. and i've gotten yelled at for it too. see when i got my hair chopped off it was cute and short now its gotten shaggy and i love it but i look like a boy to the point where this guy at my uncle's asked my dad how old his son was...he was talking about me. and then my parents thought or still think im embarrssed of being a girl. which im not im totally fine with being female i just like looking and dressing like a guy. its way more comfortable. then they brought chris into the problem..my mom even said to me that if she were my boyfriend she'd be embarrsed of me. christopher loves me..he even likes it when i look like a boy. and i muyst say im a much cuter boy than a pretty girl. then they even talked about Rin..why cant u dress like her. why dont u put ribbons im ur hair? she looks cute. well im just tired of being made fun of for who i am. and i was really hurt when my parents asked when i was going to ask for a sex change. it just really hurt that they are treating me like this like there is something wrong with my androgny (sp?) im fine with who i am but i dont deserve to be treated like crap cuz i look like a boy. chris has told me that i should ignore them but i cant they're my family that has always ment a lot to me and now that im being different they hurt me. i nearly broke into tears but chris was there and he helped me threw this. im was confused too...cuz i know if i had been born a guy i would have been gay. and i wasnt sure who i was anymore. but now i know and im not changing for anyone but me. no one will tel me who i am or wat i can be. but i g2g i want to write my story ttyl...hopfully i'll get therw this in one piece.

"I DONT KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!!"

So yea i keep getting yelled at no matter wat i do.y? i dont know but i got yealled at for the garage door not being down cuz my brother didnt put it up. i got yelled at cuz i was talking in the car with chris and i missed my moms phone call and she called me a sleeze. then i got yelled at cuz the dog ate a flower cuz i left it on the drive way. o heres a good one i called my moms cell and left a message saying i need somehting form the store. and she called me bac and said i'd be happy to go get it for u..then yelled at me when she came home with out it! so yea not too happy with people right now. well today ws fun me and Rin went to B&N and read a ton of books...well i did anyway. i finished the up to the current Absolute Boyfriend and S.A. and a new series called Kieli whcih when i saw it looked like my name..but its a great book. one of the main characters is really cute. anywho somehting strange happened today too..we were reading by the cafe and it was totally empty and these 2 guys sat right next to us! and we knew they were watching us...or well more i Rin i should think...(shes the prettier of us 2) and i confirmed they were watching us when i leaned bac and one of them stoped talking in the middle of his sentence and in the corner of my eye i saw him lean over...then go bac to talking..it was so creepy.. Rin over heard their conversation somewat they were talking about some girl...one asking the other if she was "unique" guys they can be so stupid...but yea weird. so tonight i might go to a party by chris' house...which will suck cuz i just want him not some stupid party..but yea that should suck. tomorrow im going to my uncles and monday im going to a graduation party for my ex-boyfriend...talk about awkward cuz im bring chris along....o joy..whish me luck. i g2g ttyl

p.s. i think i will write my story...just cuz i can.....

the crazed, dazed, and totally stupid.

im so stressed out i've got finals next week 15 projects i have to finish and to top that off its my time of the month so dont piss me off. tomorrow friday and im not happy. my sr. boyfriend wont be there at all he gets out early and thats not cool. im so tired..of every body except him and rin. the sr. pranks were today and i nearly died cuz i almost was ran over when people were trying to see what the pranks were. it was so stupid yet funny. idk..this week end will be as crazy as ever and since i've been walking around in a fog theres no telling what will happen i know that sunday im going to my uncles for a bbq and monday im going to my ex-boyfriends graduation party with christopher. so that will be awkward. but i dont care i want him with me. so there! i dont know wat im doing sat. but i want to do something with Rin but i dont know if she wants to see me seeing as how she kinda just shut down the alien from another planet who is totally in love with her. but hes weird and dosent know wat hes doing. ryans being so stupid. for this bondfire thing ryan wants to do something stupid and ruin a good song. but wat ever i will laugh in his face and not care if he gets upset cuz im still in a very delicate situation with him...cuz one moment i can tolerate him and the next i want to tear his guts out. so yea im not very nice, but things have been just so blah. zachs had his heart broken. ryan has been rumored to have gotten his gf pregnant (untrue) brians an alien, RIn cant find love and is freaking out over gopher, chirs is haveing trouble with his rents, everybody has senoiritis. and im here crazed, dazed and stupid.....wat is a girl to do?.......

lets see what i missed....

ok so my last post was kinda rushed at the end but i had to clean. so anyways did i leave off with me and chistopher going back to the mall?o well thats were i'll start..so we were at the mall and just hanging around and some how he ended up getting me a really pretty tiedie skirt and a jack skelinton belt. so hes awsome!! i wanted to pay him bac but hes a stubborn cutie... then we went home and he helped me with my home work..wat a guy huh? im so lucky to have him....then he went home...so the next day me and Rin were dragged off to my sisters softball tourney..whcih sucked cuz it was cold but i watched across the universe. so that way fun..then i went home and did chores nearly burning my brain cells cuz i had to clean the bathroom and thoes fumes were strong... then the love of my life came over for about 30 mins cuz i was upset that i didnt get to see him..i know im hopeless..so sue me...then i went to bed..got up the next morning and here i am..but since im here i'll go on..so today started off ok.. everything fine and dandy i didnt have to work and i could just go to the badminton dinner and come home...i was totally wrong...first my mom had a really bad headache...so she couldnt take my shift at work..so i drove to work and did that..which made me super late for the dinner so i flew there..but this was after i found out that my phone had no min. on it so i was screwed there..then i ate dinner talked w/ rin and flew home to get cash to get min. before my dad got home..and i did this all in a hour. so i rocked but the saturn (my car) has like no gas in it and i was freaking out the entire way. then christopher won free tickets to go see death note tomorrow night in batavia. and i really wanted to go but i have 3 papers due this week and i knew that christophers last band concert is on wednesday so i'd have a hard time getting it done then too so i went home right after getting my min and wrote 2 of the 3 papers...and the last on only has 1/3 to go and im done...so i rock...hopefully i can go to both cuz its christophers last concert for high school and i would be the worst gf ever if i didnt go...so yea im trying to work things out. but im not sure how it will work cuz i've got work that night and im not sure if i'll have the car...but come hell or high water i'll find some way to go....then the rest of this week is really up in the air...so yea thats about all i have to say...ttyl

the weekend update

so i havent blogged in a while but thats ok cuz now if have a lot to talk about. so friday at first me and christopher were going to see a movie but that was shot down by my parents cuz they were like "u see him all the time" which i do but i dont care i love him. but insetad me and Rin went to the mall while christopher hung out with his buddies...me and Rin had an awsome time we went to hot topic and funky breeze etc. but when we frist got to hot topic guess who we happend to hear? Ryan's loudass vioce. it was Ryan, Christopher and Zach. me and Rin were like holy shit!! we cant let them see us! so we some how got out without them seeing us... which was funny cuz we were totally not hard to see. i mean we were loud. and we were running not that hard to see but they never did so we got out of that one and went to funky breeze well guess what trio followed us there?! yea and we still managed to get out! they never knew we were there. it was so funny!!! then we went back to rin's house and made a fire.. which was more made by me cuz rin doesnt know how to..and we ate smores..whci was really fun..then the next day me and my mom went to a badminton tournoment at willowbrook high school..was got our asses kicked...these people were monsters at badminotn.....just killers. i was so fun to watch but we got spanked. then we came home and i got ready to got out with christopher who was upset at me at the time cuz he was having a shitty time with zach and ryan and was upset than i didnt say hi to him.... which was so stupid but watever thats done with. so then me and chris went bac to the mall cuz we had nothing to do and then came home and he helped me with my hmwrk. crap..g2g ttyl write later!

the power behind the scenes....

well today has so far been a day of high ups and low downs....my aunt had a seziure and got into a car crash so if thats y u were wondering why i so depressed today its cuz of that..plus im worried abiut my mom cuz shes really uspet over this..i dont blame her. i felt really weird cuz i wanted to break down and cry my eyes out but i pretended to be happy all day except in gym where i kept having to wipe away stray tears so wala wont see them. chirs was te only one i told cuz i hate when people feel sorry for me when im not the one whos even hurt....and i was weak too...im like a cutter but in a different way i tear skin off my firnger and sometimes the bottom of my feet if im really upset..well if u were to look at my feet now u'd see a torn up mess of skin. i know not the best way to handle things and i;ve been trying to stop...its hard tho. then later today i heard that my best friend and a guy she likes are dating..now if there bf/ gf has yet to be seen but im sure that things will more than likely go the way that is best. so i'll be dealing with people for a while. but in a good way im a major power player in my circle of friends so yea i rock and i feel so relieved...and i love u my christopher....i cant wait till we're older =p but yea i g2g get ready for work! so if i have time i'll write later..!!

oh the horror......

well my my i am in such a state of distress..well not really my friends are tho. first to the fun sutff...christopher had his b-day party thing which was really fun cuz i drove there by myself!!! i've only driven once on my own before then and it was coool!! i didnt die! then we played pool but i suck..we had loads of fun and i've never been more nervous in my entire life around his family...i never seem to fit in...u see my family is way bigger and more rough and much more noisey...we'e irish....so we're crazy his family...is quite, very traditional the women scrap book and do crafts...the boys play sports are goof balls and are well boys...then theres me...i was never raised to be soft spoken, artistic, or "fluffy" im going to have family-in-laws like my mother did...we will challenge their ways and they will not be very happy with us...so am i glad that i have christopher? of course i cant imagine a life with out him but me and his family may not mix....he'll fit right in in our family but thats cuz we're a bunch of wack-jobs any way.....*sighes* well the next problem that im faced with is Rin...o dreay me what am i going to do about her... shes really likes this guy, who we call Retard Man, but hes a total ass. then she has brian whos alittle geeky but still really likes her. she feels like shes screwed up her chance with R.M. when really i know better...cuz he did the same dam thing to me..yes Rin when u read this u'll want to shoot him in the chest i know..but when we were in grade school me and R.M. beat the snot out of each other..more him than me... i liked him and it seemed like he liked me..i called him asked him to hand out blah blah blah..then one day i walked out of an after school activity and saw him with an other girl who was younger than i was...what i found out later was that they were going out........that jerk ball lead me on and still had my heart on a string...i felt hopeless i hated him for it but never truly gave up the hope that he would come to his senses and "pick me" look where i am now..im totally in love with the boy of my dreams and i've never been happier..so rin dont over upset ur self on a guy like kurt hes not worth it...now thats about all i have to say for now if i feel like saying more i'll write another post..ttyl

One of the best days of my life...

so yesterday was totally awsome...
i had school and that was boring but besides that i got to spend the entire day with my christopher..! when we first got to his house his dad asked us to pick up the living room for mothers day which we did and in that process i pinned chris (we were werstling ) for at least ten seconds...and he never got a chance to pin me down he says hes going to one of these days but that wont ever happen...lol....then we baked our cake but had to leave the house cuz his parents went to his brothers concert...we have a ton of fun in that time and then we went to jewel for more frosting. came bac and frosted the cake! then we spent the rest of the time hanging out and eating dinner then we got to eat our cake!! it was so good! i suck at cooking but it turned out ok!!! probably cuz chirs was there to help me...but watever...then i cam home and crashed..it was so much fun!! i love u teddy bear and i cant wait for sunday!!! ttyl!

why does no body comment?

u know im always commenting but i havent gotten a comment for the last 4 blogs...wat is this?!?! am i chop liver to u people!!! ur the reason i listen to music like across the universe...stupid non-leaving comment haters....well my icon says all! ....so there....bye!!!

today was interesting...

well today was ok not great but i got to have fun so thats all that matters. so after school me and my group for adv.chal. got to work which reminds me that i have to get that done too...then me and rin hung out. it was fun cuz we havent talked in like for ever. we played 2 games of pool and i lost both...so yea i suck at pool anywho...i got home and did home work and got yelled at so that was loads of fun..not!!! tomorrow i get to go to christophers house and make a cake!!! so im excited! then saturday im hanging out with zach who i also havent seen in like for ever. so im quite happy...but im not feeling too well and it sucks im just thinking i have a slight cold. but watever. i g2g and do stuff so ttyl!

HAPPY BRITH DAY CHRISTOPHER!!!!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM ALL OF US ...(well me)..TO U WE WISH IT WAS OUR BIRTHDAY SO WE COULD PARTY TOO!!! I LOVE U!!! MY TEDDY BEAR IS 18!! I LOVES U!!! TODAY U R THE KING!!! AND I HOPE TODAY WAS SPECIAL EVEN IF IT DIDNT GO SO WELL!!! I LOVE U!!! TTYL!
~KITTY

i cant think of a title..so NEH!

So ever since my last post things have been nuts...like me and chris got into a fight my rents have been really tweaking out latly and stuff..there were major fights at our school plus a poweroutage, 2 kids had passed out and to top it all off a fire alarm went off and its only tuesday! so crazy stuff.. and on sat im haging out with my friend zach whos been going through a tough time..ryans being paranoid as normal and i got a hug from a guy i barly know. ive been worried to death over my christopher leaving for college and his brithday is tomorrow so i hope he likes his gifts...and i promised that i'd make him a cake altho my cooking could kill a person so hes going to help me...my grades need to be improved so im stress over that. i havent seen rin in a while which makes me sad but wat can u do? well theres not much more to say i have to get chris' stuff ready cuz i want tomorrow to be awsome for him...but i have work and its the last practice...which really sucks...but i'll figure something out..i have to teach solo too crap!!! ttyl!

my weekend report and the 5 day forecast

so my weekend was fun but crazy as normal
me and chris went to the mall and i got tripp pants!!!! and they go great with my toxic boy shirt! i've been debating on wearing it on monday cuz of the heat so it depends...then we saw Iron Man!!!! it was sooooo good! then i crashed. but i've heard some interseting news so im quite interested to see how this will play out but im going to just watch and not get involved which is not normal for me... but i may stir the pot a tick if i feel that some people need to be put in their place... any who...today i went with my mom to a 5 hour seminar for self defense which was fun but im super tired..plus i have to do laundry and call poor christopher. im excited for him cuz his 18th b-day is wednesday tho im not sure i can get off work..then his weird family is having birthday parties for like 5 people including him on mothers day..which is totally bizzar....well i g2g ttyl my peeps!

this will be short

so hello, im going to write about wat happened after my last post im going to a self defence class on suday from 12-5 so sry rin i forgot..um i talked with my mom and she made things better but i'd still like to get anothers girls opinion on it. things have just been so crazy im tired and i want to talk to chris so good night and this was more of an excuse to use an icon..ttyl

In Case You Missed It.....

well i've been grounded for like 3 days just about...so i'll update every one on whats been going on in my very boring life. first off is that we had sectionals..or not i lied i was grounded and very upset cuz i was freaking out and i wanted to see chris..so then sectionals comes around and me and sally were not clicking like we used to for our rotation. but we figured it out. so we beat geneva and then lost to linclon way central..then beat DeKalb but then lost to Nequa Valley..so we were super close but lost. but we have next year.. our first doubles team went to state tho so everyone was happy. but my bf and my partner were getting mad at each other again.. sally doesnt like chris always comming to "steal" me away but she yells at chris when she could be nicer...u see my problem? so i told chris that he has to wait for me to come to him cuz i have to focus on the games and told sally she can be nicer. since the seasons over it really doesnt matter any more. but me and chris were not happy with each other for awhile but now we're ok. i've been really upset lately... idk y. ryans been really pissing me off and chris and me have had no ttime together..plus i havent seen rin in for ever...so im just depressed and i hope to god ryan doesnt find out cuz i will punch him in the face if he tries to be my "psychologist" which wil just piss me off even more. he drives me crazy so much so lately that i dont even want to pretend he exists..cuz it upsets me so much. idk maybe its everything thats going on right now and the fact that my bf is leaveing and i dont want to be hurt so im trying to protect my self by trying to break away from him when really thats wats hurting me more....im an escapist..if i feel threatend then i do wat ever i can to get out of it...but i love christopher..and i wont let him go..not now not ever. see look at that by way of free association i've found out what my problem is and how to fix it..ha i dont need ryan...well i dont think im grounded now but im still not sure...but yea i think thats it..not much eles has happened...so i'll write later bye!!