Don't grow up too fast, or life will hit you in the face with a frying pan.

so my life is full of really big ups and really big downs and since i dnt really have a friend to talk to ill write it in this blog for the whole god damed world to see! hooray for lack of privacy! so i took my sister dress shopping the other day and chris went with us... and i started looking at wedding dresses kinda joking that if we are going to get married this is what i want my wedding dress to look like and he said that i should ask his mom to make the dress well that kinda threw me cuz i was like but that would be weird wouldnt it? and he was totally serious and we got talking and it turns out he really wants to get married!!!!! MARRIED... I was like really?... to me? were talking about me right? and he was totally serious and was bummed abt the fact that i didnt want to get even get engaged till 25... things change and when he said that my heart fell out of my chest and i think i kicked it down the escalator into some lady's face... i was so happy i didnt care if he proposed to me right there with a rubber band for a ring i would have said yes. he seemed excited and really wanted to plan things out so that they were perfect. i know it wnt be for a while cuz he doesnt have a job but i could be engaged by the time im 20 which kinda is really exciting.!!!but we wnt get married till we r done / nearly done with college... that will be the hard part... then yesterday i was hanging out with chris and he wasnt having the best of days and i felt bad. he was really upset of past regrets and then said something that really floored me... he said that he felt that he should regret not staying in touch with hannah, the slimy bitch who was like a past girlfriend but not really and is still totally in love with him, but that he didnt want to and i nearly burst into tears, does he still have feelings for her? he wants to get married yet regrets not staying in touch with a girl who he really liked 8... yes 8 years ago!?!?! im confused and lost and just not happy i want to love chris and spend my life with him idk wat to do... who do i talk to? who will listen? my best friend doesnt seem to exist any more and i cnt start up a conversation i dnt know wat the fuck to say... except y me?