my fucking nightmare

so tell me... does any one else suffer horrid mood swings by reading books? hmmm? no? well good then i was right i am a freak... yes its true i suffer mood swings that are caused by the books i happen to be reading at the moment its always been that way i guess but when chris first brought it up i was kinda shocked, until i read paint it black my all time favorite book... i suffered depression (altho short lived thanks to my wonderful boyfriend who pulled me out just before i fell too deep) because of that book. there have been others sure but none have had as big (tho not as big as P.I.B) an impact as the immortal series has had on me. i had mini panic attacks when ever i even glanced at blue moon (the 2nd book) it was the worst! i hated it.. i wanted to cry and cling to chris as if he was the last thing on earth that could save me from slipping into a world too deep that my conscious mind would wither and fade away.. i have just finished the 3rd book and i must say im not happy... not one little bit... im going to kick some fictional character ass.. im soooo pissed... i get headaches reading this crap thank god of got 3 other nice long books to keep the edge off... ill sink my mind into my favorite author's (Tamora Pierce) books... hurray for strong female characters that can think for themselves!!!! good grief... is it so much to ask for? i just want a strong female character with wit and charm but whose also down to earth, open minded and willing to explore the possibilities....now you might be thinking "well if u want a character like that, that badly... why not write ur own story... well heres the real kick in the pants. i hate my writing, i hate it with a passion... im terribly convinced i suck. i like to tell stories right off the top of my head but i'll b damed if any one but chris hears them... i dnt want to b judged on my ideas on the stupid stories i create to keep myself going whn i really feel like shit compared to my friends or family.... when it seems like everyones life is doing just fine while mine is crashing down around my ears.... thats why i allow myself to sink into books i like getting lost in them even if that means i come out with all the hidden emotion all the writers pour into their words hoping the readers will feel them... i will gladly suffer a thousand turmatic deaths if only i could read my way threw life...i am nothing more than a collection of thoughts and ideas that have been absorbed and refracted to the growing public... im the original unoriginal... and it kills what ever soul i have left remaining...