Conversations with myself

i am a self created monster... i push people away... cuz i know i'll hurt them... i dnt know why i get so angry. i dnt know why, at the drop of a hat that i go insane im told over and over that the anger runs in my family but i dnt think so i think its just me... its just me trying to be mean trying to hurt and punish... i can see my self doing this too... i want to stop i want to run i punched the wall today till i cried... get them out of my life or i will take them down with me... is this depression this feeling of hate that courses threw my veins? this feeling of loneliness that chris doesnt even seem to fill... im fighting with doing the right thing and the wrong thing. my skin smells of rotting guilt.. get them out of my head... make them stop... whats wrong with me? fix me! make it stop,... i dont know how much longer i can hide it... dnt let them see please... please dnt let them see what i am... ive done the best i could.. right? im trying! im sick... this has to stop it will kill me or i will kill myself before it gets out of hand... the things ive written down to get them out of my head they are still there.. waiting for the chance to torment all hope is lost for me.. this cancer will not be destroyed... help me... some one help....